Bora Bora

So I wake to yet another glorious day. As the sunlight gently teases its way through the blinds, the radio turns itself on and the world floods into my bedroom.

Greece, it appears, has finally found a solution, electing a coalition government that somehow appeases the masses and stays broadly on track with the reforms needed to avoid total bankruptcy. Good for them.

Closer to home – or globally, if you just open your eyes, man - Occupy have joined forces with the Greens and against the odds created a credible alternative to hard commerce. More and more disillusioned voters join hands and join their ranks in an outbreak of peace and humanity.

In further news, it turns out that the IMF computer has inadvertently been stockpiling funds after a stray decimal point was mislaid in 1971. Far from being hugely indebted, the world economy is actually in surplus. It will take a couple of years to redistribute everything, of course, but early estimates suggest the UK deficit will be eliminated by 2015.

More easy oil has been found in the North Sea. In a previously discounted field, a test drill has located a significant reservoir sufficient, it is estimated, to make Great Britain a net exporter of crude within eighteen months.

As I doze I realise how lucky I am to live in a world finally at peace with itself and striving for perfection… and then my alarm clock shocks me rudely awake.

As you were. Waking fully I realise it was all wishful thinking – as it always was. I feel sorry for you deluded fools, but I’m alright, Jack; here on Bora Bora it's all good!